currycannon

100 Memories of Lola Yit

1. The first time I started living at your house, you said “Eat something or do whatever. You’re not a visitor anymore. This is your house now.”

2. Back in the Malibay house, you’d sometimes hang around near the telephone while reading a paper.

3. You would walk around the halls of the Malibay house. One time you punched me along the way just for fun. You had a strong arm.

4. That one time Wilbert was late for my first day in college. You fired him immediately.

5. You’d be playing solitaire on your old PC back in Malibay. It was a white desktop. Back then, all we had was dial-up.

6. At Malibay, you’d look out the window from mom and dad’s room to look at your plants.

7. Your email address was yitrn@yahoo.com.ph. Your old password was avnckr.

8. One time, you made pasta using all the leftovers at home. It was delicious. You took pride in that.

9. You taught me how to make tuna casserole. Whenever I made them, you commented on how I always make too much food or how I overuse some ingredients.

10. You taught me how to make food for the gods. I made it a few times years ago and never made them again. I had forgotten how to make them now, but I remember your version of the recipe to be the best version I’ve ever tasted.

11. You told me to ease up on the coffee when I told you I drank five times a day.

12. “Don’t complain.”

13. “Nadine, the internet’s not working.”

14. At Malibay, we would always eat breakfast and lunch at the terrace.

15. We were together during Ondoy.

16. I was terrified of the spider I discovered in mom and dad’s room at Malibay. It was the size of a rambutan. You said it was more terrified of me than I was of it.

17. One time, you opened up to me about how in public, others just seem to look through old people, like they were insignificant. You were genuinely happy when the people at BPI Magallanes took care of you that day. On the same day, I learned to appreciate all old people.

18. You came to my high school graduation.

19. We went to Bohol for vacation. We were roommates.

20. You taught me how to make Paella. You had this huge Paella pan that you absolutely loved. I had fun on that day.

21. At Malibay, you had the ground floor bedroom prepared for uncle Sonny. It had his TV, his AC and his bed.

22. You used to tell me stories about when dad and his brothers were kids. They smoked pot at home and even planted some in the backyard. You only found out years later.

23. You used to tell me stories about my dad when he was young.

24. You told me all about tito Ting’s family.

25. You told me all about uncle Sonny’s childhood and his relationship with Lolo.

26. You told me all about tita Binky’s childhood.

27. You told me other things I’m sure you weren’t supposed to tell me.

28. You graduated from Assumption College and later from Philippine Women’s University. 29. You kept in touch with your friends from both schools.

30. You hated how the church in Magallanes cost so much money to build when they could’ve given the money to the poor.

31. We had this basil plant in the garden back at Malibay. You took great care of it and we used it for pasta once in a while. Eventually, it got eaten up by bugs.

32. You started writing for the Philippine Daily Inquirer.

33. You bought me a set of pearl jewelry. I still have them.

34. You bought me jewelry for dad’s wedding. I still have those too.

35 Whenever I had to pay for something for the house, you would always reimburse me, insistently so. You said “I know you’re poor.”

36. You had this old notebook filled with all your recipes. You told me tita Marissa took it.

37. You always made burger patties without egg. You season them with just salt and pepper and put mayo on it as a binder. You specifically said to have beef sirloin ground manually.

38. Our burgers were always yummy.

39. You taught me how to make puttanesca.

40. You used to bake marble potatoes in garlic, balsamic vinegar and olive oil.

41. You made the best cheese pimiento sandwiches.

42. You made the best chicken sandwiches.

43. We would talk about life after death and what it would mean for each of us.

44. You always had me read your next article.

45. We started living in Paranaque. You had to sell your house. Randy took photos of the Malibay house before it was demolished.

46. You had me draw the layout of your new room. You wanted a place for the mirror and a bookshelf on one part of the wall.

47. We all had to adjust to living in Paranaque. You were sad that you couldn’t bring some of your plants.

48. You absolutely loved your La-Z-Boy couch. It was with you from Malibay to Merville.

49. Our last fight was about the Kalaw reunion. We did not speak for a week. It was all my fault and I apologized.

50. I had to leave for the States. It was a 1-year internship. We exchanged emails. I had a nightmare that you died while I was away and that everyone waited until I got home before telling me. I remember waking up from that nightmare in tears.

51. When Francis got big enough, you thought of moving out of our house in Paranaque. I cried like the baby that I am.

52. You moved to Merville and all I would do for the next few days was stay in your old room and just stare at the walls.

53. We would visit you in Merville from time to time. You told me it was really uncle Sonny’s house. It was where they would retire one day.

54. I got used to only seeing you during reunions.

55. Every year, Ate Eli would take a vacation. You would call me up and ask me to live with you for the time that Eli would be gone. You were always scared of being alone at night.

56. You would ask me to tell you what I would like to eat while I was living with you at Merville.

57. At Merville, whenever my day off comes around, we would just be spending time at home doing our own thing.

58. At Merville, we’d be too lazy to cook sometimes so we always had sandwich spreads. You made these spreads yourself.

59. You always tell me to keep the house at Merville clean. Ants were abundant in the area.

60. Sometimes we’d run out of water at Merville.

61. At Merville, you gave me a key to your front door. You were always worried about how I would get in the house in the event that you fall asleep before I get home.

62. It was always difficult to commute to and from Merville, but I always loved spending time with you.

63. I always ate well whenever I stayed with you in Merville.

64. We always ate healthy food in Merville. No processed meats.

65. When it was time for me to come back home to Paranaque, we’d be sad. I’d hug you goodbye and you would tell me to come visit again.

66. You always say that I never visit you. You say this on days that I visit you.

67. I promised you I’d stay with you even when I don’t need to. I never did.

68. You were proud to be a Kalaw. I remember that you had a shirt with a Kalaw bird on it. I think you wore it to one of the reunions.

69. You gave me your Grolier Classics books.

70. You encouraged me to draw.

71. You gave me the phone number to Merville’s Tricycle service. You didn’t know that I would take Grab to work sometimes.

72. You were scared of what Ringo would do to your garden.

73. Ringo loves you. As a puppy, he would come over and lick you. I’m not sure if you appreciated it.

74. You always had these gloves for your arthritis.

75. You used to keep your AC strictly at 27 degrees. Whenever I would change it to 26 degrees, you’d wake up a few minutes later to change it back to 27.

76. I loved sleeping on your other couch. You would wonder why I wouldn’t sleep beside you. Well, I didn’t want to disturb you and your couch was so comfortable.

77. You had a chair in your shower.

You had a fake plant in your bathroom.

78. The last time I stayed with you, there was a day when large cockroaches kept popping up interrupting our conversations.

79. Just as Nikki said, from Malibay to Merville, you would tend to your plants every morning with your broad-brimmed hat and plastic watering can.

80. The last time I stayed with you, I couldn’t stay for the usual full week. I asked Nikki and Francine to fill in for me.

81. When you found out that I was studying again, all you did was encourage me. “Follow your passions. Money doesn’t matter.”

82. I used to buy you Japanese pudding from Little Tokyo. You loved those as they were not so rich and not too sweet.

83. The second time I stayed with you was probably a little longer than my first time. I never did get used to the Airplanes passing by above Merville.

84. You used to love chicken feet, something I never really appreciated.

85. You used to talk about wanting a pet snake or bird to keep at the terrace back in Malibay.

86. Later on, you took a liking to K-dramas. You admired how strong Korean women were.

87. You used to talk about your father and his accomplishments. You even wrote a book about him.

88. You were happy that in the last few years, your relationship with your brother was at its best.

89. You don’t wash your hair everyday.

90. You once said, “Blah. I’m cream cheese” as you explained all the possible depths of flavor in a lasagna.

91. In January 2020, you posted photos of all of ate Eli’s miniature houses. You were so proud of them.

92. In February 2020, mom told me you were at the hospital because of a stomach ache.

93. You spent a few days at Asian Hospital and my 3rd semester just started at that time. I wanted to visit you so badly but I couldn’t. I feel guilty to this day.

94. I managed to finally visit you when you got back home to Merville. It was night time. I held your hand as you slept. I cried like a baby. You woke up and hugged me tightly for a long time. You looked at me with sad eyes. “I’m sick.”

95. I visited you for a second time. I held your hand. I just found out that you don’t eat much anymore. You were scared that it would give you a stomach ache. You couldn’t hear very well so I just wrote you messages with drawings. You just refused to use your hearing aids.

96. I visited you for a third time. Tita Binky, tita Marissa and uncle Sonny were there. You couldn’t pee in the bathroom anymore.

97. It was difficult but you finally said yes to getting your procedures done. It was supposed to help you with the swelling of your extremities.

98. I had 3 days off from March 13 - 15. I planned to visit you at Makati Med this coming weekend. I wanted to write you a very long message. Even just for a little bit, I wanted you to feel less lonely. Dying by yourself must’ve been the loneliest thing.

99. I didn’t make it in time to see you. You died on March 13, 2020. You died around the same time I just woke up. I found out through a phone call. Mom and I went to visit you at the hospital. There, I saw a few of our family members. I looked at you on your deathbed. It was cold. You were yellow. You looked nothing like you did when you were alive. We said goodbye to you as they took you away. The family had breakfast together. It was a friday on Lent so I couldn’t eat meat. I ate fried boneless bangus. It was very good. I went home by myself, locked myself in my room and cried until night time. I cried so much, I had headaches. You will forever be associated with my migraines.

I cried some more on the next day. It was a Saturday. That night, you were ready for viewing. This was the first time ever that Francis saw me cry. He was nicer to me from that day on.

100. Your wake was catered by Center Table. Their food is good like always, you would have approved of it. They catered at Lolo’s funeral too. The next day was your cremation. Your brother was there to visit you. I held you and saw you for the last time. One moment you were a body and then you were ashes. You fit in a small marble urn. It was white and had hints of grey. They put you in a hole in a wall and that’s it. All the memories I have of you would cycle through my mind for the past few days. All my regrets dwell within me as I couldn’t spend much time with you before your passing. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for everything more I could have done. At the same time, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you until it’s my turn to sleep. All my beloved dearly departed are proof enough that wounds of grief do heal over a period of time. I now long for the day that when I suddenly remember you, tears would no longer well up in me and instead a smile would break through. I carry our memories and just as you have told me in the past, “live each day as it comes”.